There is an idea that thinking positive is the absence of reality, ignoring what is wrong in the world. This idea views thinking optimistically as either a lie or foolish; as if there is always something wrong and always something missing in life. This perspective suggests that an honest person is always in touch with negative information about what needs to be changed and/or improved.
There is another perspective that whatever is focused on grows stronger. This idea is used in educating children. When a child’s strengths are magnified, the child grows stronger. When the child’s weaknesses are magnified they become deviant.
In marriage we have an opportunity to grow in a new way. Instead of the viewpoint “that a person marries with all the baggage of their past”, we can focus on the present! Marriage can be about the present and two adults learning to support each other and practice respect and express encouragement. Marriage can create an opportunity to begin a new identity. This new identity is not related to baggage. By setting aside the notion of baggage or the ideas of unfinished business, we are focusing instead on creating a relationship with support , positivity and respect. What might happen when two adults marry and they speak a language of encouragement and respect from the beginning?
Is it possible that rather than baggage getting in the way, baggage will become obsolete. It will become outdated and forgotten just like bell bottom pants were forgotten. By focusing on their language and their respect for each other tow new adults will emerge, stronger adults whom believe in themselves.
Perhaps it is time to abandon truths that feed hopelessness in marriage and begin new ideas of marriage which can cause growth, newness, freedom from history and a positive life.
Making Your Marriage Better
Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems,
they’re great because both people care enough
to find a rich way to share their lives
marital and individual counseling
Chanarachel Frumin MS CNT
Rabbi Chaim Tabasky
Rabbi Yosef Cornfeld MSW CNT
Ellen Cornfeld CNT