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Throughout history, Love has been praised and adorned. To Fall in Love is supposed to be the ultimate experience of ecstasy, Being in love is offered as a profound goal for reach marriage. There is a worthy alternative to both of these experiences that can cheer the saddest moments and bring light to darkened lives. Continue reading

Pain needs a response. In childhood, the response to pain is often crying. However, there are many responses to pain in childhood. My granddaughter lies down on the floor and rolls. Some children stamp their legs, shake their head, or call out, “No No No.” Another favorite is to shrivel up and sink into the floor silently. Continue reading

It is a very awkward process as an adult to learn to believe in yourself. Get The Times of Israel’s Daily Edition by email and never miss our top stories FREE SIGN UP! There seems to be a belief that you should know everything you need to know by the time you are an adult. 

Believing you are such an important experience that awkwardness must be accepted. Continue reading

by Rabbi Yosef Cornfeld

There comes a time in every therapy relation when it is time to end.  It is not the purpose of therapy to continue forever, to be a permanent fixture of the person’s life.  Our purpose in providing therapeutic help is to empower the person to be able to deal with his problems by himself.  That is why our approach is to decline to give advice, to offer our own ideas on how to solve the problems at hand.  Continue reading

After many years of therapies, I still felt unheard and unacknowledged. One of my friends suggested I try another type of therapy.
It is called Narrative Therapy.

So being who I am I started seeing someone who does this. I also joined the group to learn the ins and outs of how it works. For the first time in many years I felt better about myself and my situation. I built up my confidence to drive again and to start working outside the home.

But just like when we take anti-biotic and start feeling better, we start thinking we don’t need it any more. Mr. Sabotage doing his job!!! I stopped going for a few years and things began to get much worse, especially since I had most of the kids out and more free time to feel my feelings. Well thank G-d I was smart enough to recognize this phenomenon.
Then one day I found the strength to make a decision that ABUSE is not allowed in my marriage. We had both suffered enough. Abuse had attached itself to our marriage for too long. It has caused much pain and has destroyed the quality of our life together as a couple and as a family. With the resources of love compassion and empathy, I pray and hope that together my husband and I can finally be rid of this Villain.
Today is my husband’s birthday and my gift to him is my conviction to eradicate Abuse once and for all in our family. He has agreed to see this therapist somewhat reluctantly. Yet with time and this method of externalizing the problem I believe we have hope in finally actualizing our dream and working on the tikun that Hashem gave for us!

For me, my work is to get rid of the sadness and resentments of the past. Hashem commanded us on how we are to mourn, and excess mourning isn’t healthy, and neither is holding on to the resentments. I once heard that hanging on to resentments is like pouring poison down your throat .. It really only hurts oneself. I will continue this time to go to therapy and hold on to the hope of a better future. I will need to be very patient and persevere, which are strengths I have acquired raising a special needs child. With G-d’s help and a good therapist we will get there!.

by Yosef Cornfeld

We are now counting the days of, or from, the Omer. We count them one day at a time. “One day at a time” is a popular expression. It connotes stability, continuity. It’s comforting.
AA groups have adopted it as one of their main slogans. They strive to be sober “one day at a time”. It’s a lot less scary than thinking that you have to be sober for the rest of your life. You only have to work on today. When tomorrow comes, then that will be the day that you have to work on. It’s enough today to work on today.
“One day at a time” also says to us something about the nature of time. “Time takes time” is another favorite slogan of AA and self help groups. We have to take time as it comes to us. We can’t hurry it, neither can we delay it.
This is in contrast to most other indulgences in our lives. People join AA, or Overeaters Anonymous, or other self help groups, because they feel that they need the help of others in controlling their desires and urges. Eating and drinking are good things in and of themselves. They just have to be taken in the right amount, the right proportions, and in the right time. People get into trouble when they get carried away. “That drink was so good, I’ll have another one”. And another, and … The end up overdoing it. Too much of a good thing.
What if time was like that? Imagine a world in which you had control over how much time you could live at any one time. That you could spend your time like money – a little bit at a time, or all at once. This could get us into serious trouble. Let’s say you were having a good time. A very good day. You would be tempted to spend more of your days on today. Instead of this good day being only one day, you might want to make it two or three days, all at the same time. It would intensify the experience. It would seem to make your days better, by spending them more on the good ones than on the bad ones. But then you might find that you have no days left in your account to make it to the end of the month. Or that your life would be significantly shortened by spending all of your days on the good times.
So G-d, in His great wisdom, created the world in such a way that we have no control over time. We have to take time as it comes, and have no power to manipulate it. This is the lesson of “one day at a time”. Just like all of our days come each of them in their right time, so must we strive to control our urges, and instead of indulging in them all at once, to enjoy them, each in their right time.

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